If Only I Could Turn Back Time

The harshest irony of life is when You reach a place in your journey of life, where you always wanted to be: but realise that you never wanted that. And We think - If only we could turn back time...

When in School, I dreaded those days when the homework was aplenty and I lost my best buddy to a different bench because the teacher thought 'Why not have some fun with the rascals and just shuffle the seats!!!' So, the LLBs (The Lords of the Last Bench) all of a sudden were huddled behind their never-before-opened text books taking their place in the front bench right next to the teachers favourite, who always never lost his place - the aisle seat in the front row. 

I used to wake up with butterflies and my stomach ran as if I had buttermilk on the day of the exam. I went looking as sharp as the pencil (always with a  chance of breaking at the tip) in my pencil box, with strategically prepared topics - as I could always make out which would not come for the exam. And when I reach the class and I overhear what the bookies (not the gambling ones but the studious ones) had to say, I felt that the world was caving in as the portions left out strategically where the ones the teacher marked as 'sure questions' for the exam. - So much for my intuition. 

There were times when I thought being buried alive was better when the teacher asked a few of us 'goodfellas' to stand on the bench for knocking each other’s teeth out during the recess, or when were asked to sit in the girls' bench as a punishment because we forgot to bring the text book. Hypothetically, if it was the punishment today, then half of us won't have even bought a text book. 

Now, after two decades of school life, when life has travelled a full circle and you start teaching your kids, and we hear them say - 'Oh how we wish we were grown-ups like you, so that we don't have to go to school.' And I tell them with whatever energy and patience that is left - 'Enjoy this time. This is the best part of your life. You will only realise it when you grow up.' And as I say this, all the memories of the school and college days flash right by in front of my eyes, and I think:
If Only I could Turn Back Time.

When I was young, my favourite day used to be my birthday when my Mom would bake a cake, and I would be running to the land phone at home to hear all my uncles and aunts and cousins wishing me. And I would be over the moon if I got a gift - a Hot Wheels car or even a cricket ball - for Bday parties were unheard of then and birthday gifts were unnecessary splurging.
And when its birthday time now, I spent half a day replying to digital messages. But how I wish one would give a call. Even your bestie who used to come home, now is so muddled in his life that he sends a message along with the others. The digital world has made the world come closer but has made the hearts move apart. 
And let me not get started with the kids. Now, with my son's birthday coming up, the cake has to be of Iron-Man shape. There has to be at least 12 of their friends coming in, and the return gift has to be better than the Birthday gift. 'Phew'. And his face will light up only if he is gifted a PlayStation or an iPad or a mobile. And I think it is better for some places to be remain dark.
And I think for the sake of us parents:
If Only I could Turn Back Time.

I wanted to be a lot of personalities when I grew up. I wanted to be that uncle who climbed up the coconut tree without any support – just like Spiderman. I wanted to be that uncle who drove the boat across the lake and jumped into it and came out smiling – just like a dolphin. But the person I was most in awe of was the driver of the bus which took me to school and back home every day. Him and his steering wheel controlling the big bus with his legs pressing and kicking all the pedals – he was my idol, he was my hero. And I so wanted to grow up fast so that I could be him.
And now, when I look at him, how the driver might have been looking at us as thinking ‘how nice it was if I could be a child again and go back to school – 
If Only I Could Turn Back Time

I still remember by first day at my first job, right out of college. I wanted to be the change that I want to see in the world. I wanted to be the one who would lead the company to the next level. I wanted me and my company to make it to the Forbes list. But the best part of it was – payday. Your first salary. 
And later, after months and years went by, you realise that the only think that you looked forward to was – the payday.
And then one day, I said to myself. Enough is enough. I want to be my own boss. I will make my rules. I want to make it to the Forbes list. I want to make my company be the change the world needs to see. I want to revolutionise the way people think of entrepreneurship. 
And soon, like most of the SSEs, my growth curve was like a sine-wave. Lots of ups and downs, - but who remembers the ups when all you are thinking of are the downs, and how to recover from them. I had hit middle age crisis at a much younger age. And with this, came the most dreadful days of all – the payday; not the day when you get paid but when you have to pay the poor souls who joined you thinking they could make it to the Forbes list. Life always has a dark sense of humour and it plays a different kind of trick on you – the day you looked forward to has become the day you dread the most – month-ends and paydays. And I look up to the heavens and I sigh – 

If Only I Could Turn Back Time

I am no Stephen Hawkins or Michael J. Fox in ‘Back to the Future’ or Tony Stark in Avengers. And I know that I cannot turn back time. But thinking of all the memories makes me want to relive them. Which means I was really lucky to have a life with beautiful memories. And ten or twenty years down the road, I will surely want to relive what I am going through now, except for maybe the masks and the sanitizers.
But, without a second thought, If I could turn back time, I would definitely choose those days when I was with all my friends in school and college - who are probably reading this – and I will always cherish and relive those days over and over again.

If Only I could Turn Back Time
 

Life and Its Whereabouts

Six years earlier: Adrenalin - pumping, dreams - soaring, ambition – sky high, goals – materialistic. That was the time when I finished my highest degree, a degree that stood in the pinnacle of my academic achievements, though not by merit, and has not got threatened nor challenged by an ambition of mine to have another go at books. Maybe it is because I thought enough is enough, or maybe I do not want to hang by the thread between a degree certificate and the door to eviction – which I experienced for two years.



We came out with our heads held high, and the wallets of our folks empty, and we promised that we will fill those wallets first before we ever drank another cola.


Six Years Later - Now: You see the parts of a state you never thought you would set your foot on. You travel in transport system which you never even looked at when you were living on your dad’s money. You travel from home to office and from office to people and palaces you hate, and back home. You do not have time for dreams or goals or friends. You just have time for your family and for the last report that you had to send some 3 hours ago.


Life has been in the fast lane and people go look at options which are smarter and shorter and less time consuming cos you still have got some more sales analysis to do, before you head for your next assignment. You end up texting your partner that you’ll be late from office, cos if you talk, you might lose a minute. You stop sending emails because anyways all of us are in touch through Facebook or Orkut – which by the way has overtaken bharath matrimony dot com for fixing alliances. You have time to scrap and poke but no time to write a mail. And finally, when you find time to talk to someone, you get a SMS reply saying “I am in a meeting and shall call you back as soon as possible” – but it becomes impossible cos he never calls you back.


Six years ago, you dreamt of exotic locations, and now the only exotic locations that you see are the rural areas of a state you had nightmares of when you were young, or exploring how you can avoid taking the train if taking a bus might be cost saving for the company in this time of difficulty, and put in a mail circulating in the company that I have saved the company Rs. 2000 by not staying in a hotel but by traveling in a bus non stop. And you expect the MD of your 1 billion dollar company to reply that our bottom-line has been better because of the way people have traveled in bus. Even after all the sacrifices that you made, which you didn’t have to, you still continue to get no extra pay and lot of extra work.


For People like us, who joins corporate life, it goes on for the first few years happily cos everyone knows that people who have carried dirt earlier on in their lives have sat in golden thrones later on. But soon, you seem to be carrying only dirt and the pile around you has no intention of coming down.


You ask for a profile change, and they give you a new designation, with a new shovel to carry and handle the same pile of crap. You ask for a location change, and they give you a place where people would rather wear Kevlar than take a lunchbox – cos it ensures better rate of survival.


Then you put your foot down and say – That’s it, enough is enough. Then you quote lines from the mails that you’ve read earlier like – “Love your job and not your company”, “If you want loyalty, get a dog” etc. etc. So after six years, you restart doing something that you were an expert 6 years ago – making resumes.


Then you get a conflict in your mind on the fellows who look upto you. You remember all the faces of people to whom you said that there is no other place like the place you are working for now, and you should thank the stars that you are all here.


Those faces suddenly get replaced with the pile that I had mentioned earlier and then you comfort yourself with the though that people should remember you for the way you were as a person, and how human you were, rather than the position that you held. I can say this with absolute certainty because the associates of my company remember the former greats even now for the support that they gave as a professional and the greatness as a person and not because of the designation.


Now after the ‘gyan’ session, I want to go back to the period 6 years earlier: The Modern era. It is really ironical that when you grow older, your era changes from Modern to Golden to Classic, and later on to Antique and finally Fossil… Ok. Sorry, I was talking about the modern era. (In case you get confused with the Eras I mention, please look up.) It was when you had ideologies in place. That you dreamt of being the brand management king. And then you joined your dream job. Now, in the Golden Era, the dream job has made way for another idea – get a job that can fulfill your dreams. Even if that means doing stuff that you do not completely like for 50% of your time so that you get to do things that you like for the rest 20 % (I assume that I sleep for the 30% of my life).


So, as I have moved on from the Modern Era ( Parties and eatouts and nightouts and hangovers) to the Golden Era (family and diapers and schooling), I have made this decision. Life is only once. Enjoy it. Life has always been a balancing act. So balance it with a job to fulfill your dreams. A few are fortunate to get a dream job and get to fulfill their dreams. My advice – do not ask for more. Life is to be enjoyed in simplicity and it is to be lived like a dream. And when you dream, it should have all that you care about and all who care about you - your parents, your partner, your kids, your friends and yourself.

Time Is On My Side...

When people are busy with their regular schedule, it'll be a great eye-opener and in fact a great comedy in the making if we ever stop at our tracks, and analyze the driving force, the inspiration, the reason for our routine work. This goes for anything and everything that we do.
Although I could be an exception or the incidents that I state just another out of the world occurrence, I am just writing a couple of inter-tangled chapters from my small book of life.
As I had mentioned earlier, I used to work in Ding Dong Paint Company before I moved to Tighter Wrists Watch Co. (which I will further refer to as DDPC and TWWC respectively). In DDPC I was an ASM, in charge of three districts, with people as old as my father (not that he is too old) reporting to me. A good job I had. AC Cabin, a secretary, people calling me sir... Everyone in my family told everyone else, not in my family, that I was having a big job. But only few knew that I was sitting in the office cos I needed to, and not because I had to.
And when I used to go home once a week, there would be a huge mother's-shopping-list – from a can of baked beans to granite tiles for the neighbor's newly built bathroom.
And then, once in a while, you find one of your classmates getting married, and his mail to the group says to consider this mail as a personal invitation – and I think why not!! The poor fellow will surely need some support on his last day of singularhood. And then, after the wedding, I am left with a confused mind thinking what is everyone doing busy with the work that I'm the only one attending it, and also surprised and shocked that the fellow who got married was not only too keen on losing his bachelorhood, but also that he had found enough time to raise his hand and say hi and bye to me all in the same go!!!
Yup!!!….. I had all the time in the world for all those priorities of my life.
Then one day, nirvana happened and I decided DDPC was not my can of paint (read cup of tea), but maybe I need to keep up with the moving time. So TWWC happened. I warned my folks that its gonna be a different role, am gonna be the state head, I'll be in the office from nine to nine, and I'm so sorry that the shopping lists can no longer be serviced.
Initially, it was difficult to kill time – cos u had no clue what was happening in the new company, and when I finally got hold of some idea, I still found it difficult to kill time – cos there was nothing for me to do…
I found myself learning adode photoshop, learn how to read a book a day, and all sorts of great things in TWWC – I can proudly say a great learning experience, and you guessed it. I had time for shopping lists – even bigger and longer ones!!!
Today morning, my sister asked me if I was free for sometime to help her with some shopping, and I replied – "Am I ever busy???"
Then it struck me. Why am I not busy? Why are my friends so busy that they don't even return a missed call or reply to messages, when I can run around doing shopping or whatever anytime, any day? What the hell are they doing? Why am I always like this? Is it because I don't work, or I don't know my work or I am too bloody efficient that there is not enough work for me??? It's a mystery in itself.
Then I realized the great corporate secret, the one small big thing which I had overlooked – the big star on the horizon I didn't see – the power of P. Pretend. Pretend to be busy when you are not. Pretend to be writing a report when you are actually writing this mail.
If I have wasted your precious time from your busy schedule with this mail of mine, all I can say is STOP PRETENDING!!!
But even now, if you feel that I am wasting your time, and whatever that I have written here is completely wrong and blasphemous, then I should say that you are lucky. Cos, if there are people out there who feel that the guy working in TWWC is lucky, you are wrong – as there is nothing more boring than pretending. And the irony is that you have to pretend that u are not bored…
ab

Just Walked Down the Aisle...

It is an inevitable event in a (wo)man's life.... The one which they say happens in heaven... But like one wise person said, so does thunder and lightning.... So very true....

Like all people who try their hand in writing, and like they all do, I also would like to quote a few good words which are not my creation, but is definitely borrowed...

Marriage is like a magic circle... Those who are outside it wants to get in and those who are inside it wants to get out.... Not something of a comment you would expect from someone who is married only for just over a month... But like I said before, those words are not mine... Just borrowed ones... ;-)

Guys, I don't want to get into my story of married life, but just a reflection of what is the ground reality when you've just taken the plunge... I know there are veterans in this licensed live-in agreement and will have more to share and more to reflect than I do... but lets just say I am doing it cos I salute that concept of marriage....

What is marriage? Is it complete license to do what we boys always wanted to do without anyone asking what the hell you are doing??? Well… not completely true… (Although partly it is… ;-) Cos like they say – Sex is the price woman has to pay for marriage and marriage is the price man have to pay or sex.)

Marriage according to a definition is surrendering yourself completely to your partner, and taking his/her hand and pledging to love him/her unconditionally and trusting her / him (as you trust your mother when she said who your father is…) with your heart, mind and soul and promising to be the person he / she fell in love with (at some point in time if at all she /he did) till time everlasting…. (Hey this was not borrowed…)

People ask me how is married life…. I want to say it on their face you can't reply to it in one answer. Though it is not that complicated, it's not that easy either… You feel suddenly grown up, you fell attached like you've never felt before, and you feel that sense of responsibility suddenly waking up from its life long hibernation….. I won't say that you feel old. Cos like they say – You are as old as the woman you feel… ;-) What I am going to say is purely my view, and there maybe arguments and counter arguments… and I am welcome for all…

Getting married is a wonderful thing as we have someone we truly believe is completely ours – a friend, a companion, a debate partner… But never think of her / him as an adversary, though there might be people who say Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Marriage is a unique concept which agrees with the law of nature that all balances out to a state of equilibrium – you will have moments of highs and lows, of happiness and sorrow, of accomplishment and failure, of acceptance and dejection. But what makes it special and worth all the trouble is the feeling that you get when you come up from a pit – that's when you really forget all the sad things, and you have a chest-full of memories to take along with you for the rest of your life. And both are in a real good mood, then making up is definitely worth it if it happens over a weekend. ;-)

Marriage is definitely a challenge. Two people from two different spheres coming together to take their lives and dreams jointly forward. And the key is to fall in love over and over again with the person you decided to spend the rest of your life with. The key is to keep the temperature high, though there might be people who say that Getting married is like getting into a bath tub; after you get used to it, it isn't so hot.

Marriage is not about going half way and waiting for the other person to do the same. It's about going all the way. That ways you walk together a great distance. Marriage is not about finding someone who completes you, but about finding someone to share your incompleteness. Marriage is not about adjustments. It's about compromise. It's about acceptance. True love is not changing yourself for the one you love, but it's about learning to live together happily with the partner, accepting his/her drawbacks as if they are our own, and marching together, holding hands towards the horizon of life.

If anyone who read this feels that I am not happy being married, then I have to learn English all over again, cos that is the last thing on my mind. I feel marriage was one of the best things that happened in my life – though too early to say ;-). And the feeling of sharing life with someone you love is the best thing that can happen to anyone. And if you feel that you have not experienced it, try this…

Love as if you are living the last day in this world. Cherish each moment as if time is running out fast. Cos life can't be taken for granted. We never know how long we are here in this journey here…. Live and have no repents. Love as you want to be loved. Care as you want to be pampered… and life will never be the same…

I guess this has not turned out to be a chapter from Mills and Boons. If you found it boring or offensive, please feel free to delete this.

Blissfully married A b